Cruel Observations, An Open Letter to Facebook

Another in a series of open letters to the worst offenders, but first, a Preamble…

To be honest, I don’t think of myself as being shady.

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As the late Dorian Corey suggests, shade is merely a reflection of an uncomfortable truth that you already know. I prefer to offer Cruel Observations: the delicious thrill and cracked faces that result when you confront others with their foolishness and the inconsistencies between what they say and what they do or how they present themselves.steel magnolias niceHow can I say this nicely? Oh well it seems like I can’t! Let’s go!!!libraryopenDear Desperate for Attention,

For some reason, we are friends on Facebook and you are making me regret this relationship immensely. I’m gonna need you to stop it with your foolishness. Please work on the following…

STOP posting pics of what you wore to workvestMaybe I’m old-fashioned, but I don’t give a shit about your #workflow. Yes, if you wore a particularly stunning ensemble to work because you had a presentation, I’d love to see it! But if it’s that same fucking sweater vest and khakis you wear every goddamn day…

And while we are at it…

STOP posting pics of what you had for dinner/brought for lunchdinnerWhy do you think people need or want to see the picture of the cheeseburger from McDonalds you had for lunch? Do you think people are unaware of what a Happy Meal looks like? I also feel forced to inform you that you are not the gourmet chef you think you are. I mean the macaroni’s soggy, the peas are mushed, and the chicken almost certainly tastes like wood.

Speaking of wood…

We get it! You have a Dick and/or Asshole and/or Vagina and/or Tits

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There are people in these secret groups who post a pic of their private parts every day, and it does get annoying. Now, Ya Brista loves a good dick pic, and just might lose his mind for a second over a good ass pic, but I don’t need to see the same dick and ass all the time. Every day, it’s that same asshole with that same pimple, or that same penis next to the remote control

STOP telling us how horny you are

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As if your daily pics weren’t clear enough. Please stop telling us how much you need some dick or some ass. First of all, it’s the middle of the fucking day. Most of us have shit to do with our lives so even if we wanted to fuck you, its not an option. Second, you post every messy detail of your sexual encounters in the same secret Facebook groups where you are now trolling for a date.

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Did you ever stop to think that not everyone wants to star in your next low-budget gay remake of Sex, Lies, and Videotape?

STOP asking people to LMS (Like My Status)girlbye

STOP Posting Inspirational Quotesinspirational2I’m going to assume that your life is REAL fucked up. If you pay attention to Mr. Inspirational Quotes’ timeline, you will notice that every now and again he overshares and you get a glimpse of the real foolishness that his inspirational quotes are attempting to cover.

Do we all need a pick-me-up from time to time? Of course we do, because we are human and life isn’t all shits and giggles and orgies and semen. However, if you spend most of your day posting these uplifting quotes, the only person you are trying to convince to stay positive is YOU!

STOP asking people to Smash or Pass

How desperate for attention are you that you would post your pic online and then ask random strangers whether they would fuck you or decline. But since you asked…smash01I’m going to assume that is SUPPOSED to say Mister STEAL your girl. Since you can’t spell and I try not to fuck dummies, PASS.smash02You are posing with bottle of Bacardi like its fancy liquor. Since you are clearly poor and/or young and/or tacky, PASS.smash03You have gold fronts. PASSsmash04Based on the contents of the bathroom counter, you live with your mother or you have a girlfriend. Either way, PASS. Unless those are your products, and if that’s the case, GUUUUUURL!!!!smash05MUST… RESIST… CUM GUTTERS! Even though you couldn’t take some windex to that toothpaste spit on the mirror, SMASH!byefeliciaNext week, join me for the terribly commonplace but nonetheless tragic tale that is the Secret Facebook Group. You can reach me here, Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr. Hit me back and tell me what you want to discuss in an upcoming post, or let me have it for calling you out! You can also catch me every Thursday @ 8pm eastern, co-hosting the Reali-TEA Radio Show on PapiChuloRADIO.com.

Also I am pleased to debut the first story in the Alex and Alonzo Series. Alex and Alonzo: A Love Story is the tale of two men who meet on the subway one night and feel that instant attraction. What starts as a single night of kinky eroticism turns into a love story full of twists and turns that neither of them expects.

The First Night is the tale of the night Alex and Alonzo meet, and gives the reader peak into the world of two men who connect on a very deep, primally sexual level.alexandalonzo

Coming in January, The Anniversary catches up with Alex and Alonzo as they celebrate a year of living, loving, and incredibly hot sex. Available on amazon.com for the Kindle and the Kindle App for all tablets and smartphones, including iPhones, iPads, Android devices, Nooks, and Blackberrys.

 

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