Top Five Tips for your Next Orgy

Given my love of sex clubs and adult bookstores, it will likely come as a shock to you that Ya Brista is not particularly fond of sex parties and orgies. It’s not that I don’t have a good time, but something about the atmosphere of funk and desperation marinated in liberal amounts of alcohol means that I usually don’t stay very long. That said, an orgy is a veritable hotbed of cruel observations, and it is with that in mind that I present these tips. Let’s get into it…

Handle your personal hygiene before arriving at the party!

hygiene01No one is here for your funk. Well, actually a few people are, but we aren’t talking about them. Take a shower! Chew some gun just before you walk in the door! And for goodness sakes, WASH YOUR ASS!!!hygiene02Just because you aren’t planning to get fucked doesn’t mean you are immune from a little deep cleaning action. And don’t forget the Taint! That funk you smell probably isn’t from the bottoms; it’s from the tops fanning the room with their funky assholes with every thrust.hygiene03Speaking of clean asses…

DO NOT use the communal enema bulb!

Douche Bitch!What kind of tacky, low-rent ass heffa comes to the party with a dirty cooch? Probably the same low-rent heffa who would use a community enema bottle!clevelandPrince3Baby, you would think that this goes without saying. I mean, would you go to someone’s house and use their toothbrush? Would you use their deodorant? If you leave your house and realize that you have not adequately “prepared”, you need to turn your ass back around and handle it.

Keep your chitchat to a minimum

Listen, the purpose of a sex party is tofellowship01fellowship02

If you wanna kiki with your good good Judy, do that shit at a Starbucks or in a bar. No one is here for your laughter and nervous giggles while getting gutted, nor are we here for your color commentary on the action. Kick rocks!

Remember that hoes know who you are

If you work in HIV prevention, it’s probably not a good look for you to be in the corner…corner01corner02By the same token, if you are a closeted gospel singer about to release your album, you shouldn’t be sucking dick in the corner…

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Now, Ya Brista is not saying that you can only suck dick when you are out of towndrinkingor only get fucked anonymously through a gloryhole,gloryholebut you must remember that even if you live in a big city, it ain’t but so big. Look, you are a grown as man, so take as many loads as you like,loadsbut always remember what Ya Brista told you. Tha Kidz talk, so wear a mask or be more selective about who you play with.

Make Lust, not Love

It’s yet another of the world’s oldest stories. Boy meets boy at the fuck party. After an eternity of staring at each other from across the room and turning down many other offers, Boy finally breaks the ice.icebreakerThus begins a torrid 45-minute affair…affair02All too soon, the affair is over, and as one Boy lies breathless on the mattress surrounded by the entangled body parts of other men, he is shocked to see the other Boy is on to the next one…affair04Crushed, Boy spends the rest of the night watching the love of his life spend the rest of the night gleefully gutting and getting gutted.my emotions

Later, Boy tells Ya Brista this story and is surprised at his reaction.slap

Silly Boy, you go to a fuck party to FUCK! What were you expecting? Was he supposed to leave with you immediately and spend the rest of the night staring into your eyes over a Grand Slam at Denny’s? Ya Brista has told you before about moving too fast and now you have fallen for some sex party trade just because he tickled your colon just right. I bet your silly ass didn’t even get his number. Now you will be looking for this hoe around every corner and every night for a month on Jack’d. Next time you’d better fuck that Boy, then make sure you get his number, and then fuck the next one, just like he did!

Well, Kidz, that’s all for this week! Next week, we will have another installment of Dear Dominion. Until we meet again…Bye-Bitch

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