Dear Dominion: Tryina Keep it Casual in Kansas

Wassup to all my Sistas, Mistas, and Othas,godownSorry for being missing in action the past 2 weeks. Ya Brista had to take care of some stuff…things01With all of that concluded, at least until the weekend, Ya Brista is back and the mailbag is full, so it’s time for another installment ofdeardominion01Are you ready? Let’s get into it!!!

Dear Dominion:

I met this dude a couple of months ago and we been kicking it for a while. He is hella sexy and even tho I let him smash rite away, I told him from the jump that I wasn’t trying to get boo’d up. He is a cool brotha and I like when we chill, but now it seems like he is in his feelings if I say I want to kick it with one of my other buddies. Like I said, I told him I wasn’t looking for a boo. I would cut him loose accept for the fact that his pipe game is tite as fuck. Why it’s always gotta be serious? Why can’t we just keep kickin’ it? – Tryina Keep it Casual in Kansas

Dear Kansas:

So… are we just going to dash over the grammar, the diction, and the slang? Allow me to translate for our readers who do not speak ThaKweens’ English: you met this dude and even though you let him fuck you on the first date, you told him you were not looking for anything serious. Despite the fact that he keeps acting like you are in some sort of relationship, even getting jealous when you want to meet up with your other friends, you keep having sex with him because he bangs your back out quite lovely. Am I right so far? Good! So here’s the thing… Hoes hear what they want to hear and see what they want to see.

You could say you’re a top, put it right there in your profile, even have it on your T-shirt, but as soon as he sees your deliciously smashable cakes,cakeshe’s got booty on the brain, your protestations to the contrary notwithstanding, and if you make the mistake of letting him lick your Li’l Debbies,lildebbiesit’s pretty much a wrap!

In your case, you may very well have been as clear as you could that you weren’t looking for anything serious, but he clearly wasn’t hearing you, and now you’re stuck. If you say or do nothing and keep going along with it, you will almost certainly keepkickinit

On the other hand, if you sit him down and have a serious talk about the nature of your relationship, then you run the risk of losing out on that “tite” pipe game. What’s a gurl to do?hmmmmKansas, Ya Brista is here to tell you that Option 1 will not end well. It’s going to result in cops being called, broken furniture, slashed tires, or some combination thereof. You might be thinking that you would never let another man put his hands on you, but it’s likely that you are going to be the one that starts it, when you get tired of being smothered by a love that you can’t/ don’t/ won’t reciprocate. You can keep those feelings bottles up for a few more months or a few more years, but eventually, they’re going to come bubbling up, and just like any volcano, the initial explosion will be spectacular.

Ironically, while Option 1 seems easier, it’s actually harder in the long run to keep up that front and while the dick might seem worth it now, it won’t always be so. Option 2 clearly seems harder, because it requires you both to talk about your feelings, but which would you rather have: the few minutes or hours it takes to have a difficult conversation, or the excruciating torture of being involved with someone that you aren’t feeling like that? If you go with Option 2, at least you can control your exit from the situation, and find someone else with whom you can…chillGood luck, Kansas!

Ya Brista will be back next week to answer another question from the mailbag about how to deal with straight/DL guys. This should be fun!

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