Dear Dominion: Anxious in Anacostia

Chile, the mailbag is full as hell! ThaKiddz have a lot on their mind, and no one is more qualified to answer their questions than a professional homosexual such as myself is!Are you ready? I know I am, so let’s get into it!!!I was introduced to this guy and his wife at a party a few weeks ago. He is somewhat of a celebrity and if I told you his name, you would know exactly of whom I’m speaking. One thing that many people don’t know is that he is on the DL and well-known, among a certain set, for his proclivities. Anyway, during the party, he seemed to be paying a lot of attention to me. His wife was out mingling with everyone at the party, but he focused his energy on me. He kept touching me in ways that were subtle, but still seemed inappropriate for two dudes just hanging out. At the end of the party, he invited me to “hang out” with him and “his boys”, and then he licked his lips.I have to admit, it was kind of hot to me. Later, I found out through some mutual friends that he was interested in me, but I haven’t heard anything from him since the party. I am told, he has asked about me on a couple of occasions.

Dominion, I’m torn. I’m very flattered by the attention. He is a very attractive man and I think it would be fun to see where this goes. On the other hand, he is married and you know what they say about karma. I don’t know what, if anything, I should do or say. What do you think? – Anxious in Anacostia

Dear Anxious,

I am going to start with the assumption that by “proclivities” you are not referring to his love of opera, and more to his love of…Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we can get down to business, and the first thing I will do is refer you to my previous writings on dealing with men who are married, but since we appear to already be on that bridge, let’s just move forward.

The first thing I will say is that straight, gay, or bisexual, you can’t trust brothas who play games.You aren’t in the 6^th grade anymore and it’s not cute to relay your romantic and carnal intentions through 3^rd and 4^th parties. If he wants to fuck you, he should be man enough to call you up and invite you over to the hotel where he is checked into under as assumed name using a prepaid debit card so his wife can’t find out what’s happening or trace the charges back. But as we will see shortly, there is a very good reason (in his mind) why he has only communicated with you through intermediaries. But first…

Let’s assume for a minute that at some point he actually makes contact with you, then what? No matter how long the pursuit, and regardless of the number of dinners and cocktails and trips to places where no one knows you (and more importantly, where no one knows him), at some point, you will have sex with him and to be clear here: if you have sex with him, you can safely assume that you are agreeing to get fucked by him AND “his boys”. He is the alpha male of a very exclusive pack of TOP dogs looking for the next bitch to fuck. And he ain’t looking for a boyfriend, or even a side piece. How do I know this?

For starters, he has his friends make contact on his behalf; they do his bidding. Clearly, amongst them, he has established himself as the apex, either through sheer force of personality, or money, or some combination thereof. What other good reason would account for why some grown-ass man is relaying love notes and shit like a schoolgirl?

Secondly, ask yourself this: when have you ever seen a bottom say to some guy he just met, “I can’t wait for you to fuck me and my friends”?While there are a few exceptions, if a guy who prefers to get fucked meets a date, he is more likely to want to keep the date to himself, not share him with others. On the flip side, a guy who does the fucking is often just fine with sharing your ass with “his friends”……just as long as he goes first. In fact, it’s likely part of the reason why he is the Alpha. In exchange for doing his dirty work, the other dogs in the pack get his sloppy seconds, thirds, or tenths.

Lastly, consider this: nothing about his behavior says he is interested in anything more than sex. From the lip lickery to the intimate touches in a public space, his body language communicates sexual desire, not shares interests or anything like that, so be careful because you already sound like you have already fallen for the okie doke.

If you do allow yourself to fall, I’m not here to judge (actually I am, but its judgment with love). Let him wine and dine you, let him whisk you away on trips; let him and his boys nutt all up in you……just don’t fall in love. Your comments about being flattered and your general tone (as much as can be deduced from an email) suggest that you are seeing this like the budding romance IT IS NOT. The surest sign of this is that you have no way to contact him. His communication with you is only through others, so that your interaction with him can never be traced back to him. When you go for those dinners, you’ll arrive and depart separately and he will pay with cash. When you take those trips, you’ll arrive separately and the room will never be in his name. This is all because of the perfumed, perfectly-coifed elephant in the room whose name you probably don’t even remember: his wife.

Always remember, he will NEVER EVER EVER leave her. He has too much invested in the façade of heterosexuality to let a little thing like honesty and being true to oneself get in the way. If you fall for the okie doke, know that you’re settling for the role of side hoe: the one he fucks, but never talks about in public, the one on whom he will cancel if the wife says jump, the one he will deny should the nature of your relationship ever becomes known. If you are comfortable with that then I can’t really stop you, but when you get caught out there and your pic is all over MediaTakeOut and Black Twitter, and you have been reduced to an internet meme, don’t say Ya Brista didn’t warn you what you were getting into.